Shinjiro's Cooking Lessons
by noahpocalypse1
Summary: The members of SEES have terrible diets. That's not Shinjiro's problem, but if they ask him for help with their cooking, he just can't say no.
1. Chapter 1: Ghetto Ramen

"First off, ramen is not a healthy dish. You shouldn't eat it so much, but since everyone in this dorm will continue living off of it anyway due to a combination of finances and laziness, you might as well learn how to make it a little bit healthier. Not to mention tastier."

"I'm going to teach you how to make… well, let's call it ghetto ramen. It's not remotely authentic, but it's a hell of a lot better than cup ramen. First chop some vegetables. Start by mincing garlic, then ginger, then finely chopping onions, and lastly I personally like to put a bunch of carrots in. This is also basically the order you'll add the vegetables." Shinjiro's knifework was swift and impeccable.

He waited a moment for Fuuka to finish writing her notes. She appeared to be writing the ingredients in order. He didn't think it was that much, but whatever. Maybe the girl had a bad memory.

"Alright, first- sautée equal amounts minced garlic and ginger in preheated oil. Ideally sesame oil, but olive or coconut or whatever will work just as well." Fuuka nodded and continued writing. The pot gave off a satisfying sizzle as the garlic and ginger landed. "The garlic and ginger should be just barely starting to brown when you add the onions and stir, scraping the garlic and ginger off the bottom. The moisture let off by the onion will prevent the garlic and ginger from burning, and we want the onions to start browning nicely as well. That should take maybe ten, fifteen minutes. If you want a little bit of a kick, add a good amount of red pepper flakes."

Fuuka scribbled like her life depended on it. Shinjiro stirred casually.

"Once the onions are browning, add your chopped carrots in. Oh, and you can peel the carrots if you prefer, but I usually don't. The skin is healthy. Anyway, stir all that together and give it a few minutes before adding maybe two or three tablespoons of both soy sauce and mirin. Ideally you want to add both dark and light soy sauce¬- yes, there's a difference- but it's fine to just use the normal stuff."

Fuuka flipped to the next page in her notebook. The first was filled with scribbles and quick illustrations.

"Let those flavors get to know each other for maybe five or ten minutes, stirring occasionally. There shouldn't be enough liquid to cover all the vegetables yet, so you'll need to stir periodically to make sure everything is starting to cook. After, add a large amount of chicken broth or stock. More than you think you'll need, since the noodles will absorb the liquid. Homemade stock is best, but grocery store stuff will work. Water's an option, but it won't taste nearly as good. And the boxed stuff has way too much sodium, so be sure to get the ones marked low sodium. The taste is close enough."

Fuuka's pencil slipped out of her grip due to sweat. She squeaked and quickly grabbed it.

"Now you let that simmer for about twenty minutes. If you want, go ahead and boil an egg in a separate pot for five or six minutes, or you could even just toss the egg in the ramen pot, before sticking it in an ice bath. Real ramen eggs are much more involved and will taste much better, but this adds at least an appearance of authenticity. And eggs taste good."

Fuuka's brows were creased and she appeared to be breathing heavily. A bead of sweat dripped down her cheek.

"Finally, you can add whatever meat you want and your noodles. For the noodles, use a standard ramen packet but throw that damn seasoning packet out. It's ridiculously unhealthy, and this'll taste better. For the meat… well, I'm assuming you're just using up some old pre-cooked chicken or pork. In that case, shred it and just stick it in to warm it up. If you're starting with uncooked meat, well, then I'd have sautéed that first then added it back in later, and use the soy sauce to scrape up any fond- er, any of the little bits stuck to the bottom of the pan. Anyway, once the noodles are done, add salt and pepper to taste, ladle the dish into bowls, cut your soft-boiled egg in two and add it. And if you want you can add any leafy vegetables now, so they won't soften and they'll still keep a little bit of crunch, and top with chopped scallions."

Fuuka's mouth was slightly open and her eyes were fluttering from the force of her concentration. She was flushed and her skin was visibly damp.

She continued writing frantically and breathing short, quick breaths, until finally she exhaled loudly, having apparently finished the last sentence.

She panted and closed her eyes, trying to get her breathing under control.

"… Are you okay?" Shinjiro asked, feeling vaguely uncomfortable.

"I'm fine!" Fuuka stood up sharply, still out of breath but with a satisfied smile on her face. "I… I think I've got it, Shinjiro-senpai. Wow. That was… that was really something. You were amazing."

As she looked Shinjiro in the eyes with that exhausted smile and her glimmering cheeks, Shinjiro felt that when he agreed to teach her to cook, he didn't consent to… whatever was going on here.

"… Right, well. Now that you know how to do it, show me."

"Oh," Fuuka gasped, "that's- I'd love to but can I get a little breather first? I just need some air and a glass of water.

"… You do that." Shinjiro was happy to help, but Yamagish had better get herself under control or he wouldn't do this again. He walked off, muttering to himself.

"Tsk, the recipe wasn't even that long…"


	2. Chapter 2: Chicken and roast vegetables

"… Yamagishi, what are they doing here?"

"Oh, well I mentioned that you agreed to help teach me about cooking and they were very interested in learning!"

Shinjiro gazed at Minako, Junpei, and Yukari. They all had pleading smiles on their faces.

"Sorry for inviting ourselves Shinjiro-senpai but we really want to learn! I can cook a few things but I'm not very good and I want to learn more." Minako was the first one to speak, her smile practically spilling sunshine into the room. Shinjiro retreated into his coat a little bit to protect himself from the rays of happiness and joy.

"I'm a bit worse of a cook than Minako-chan here, but I know a little bit. Ramen's great and all, but a guy needs a little variety sometimes, and eating out is expensive." Junpei spoke up next, slouching but appearing intrigued. "I'm somewhere in between these two," Yukari spoke, "but I'd like to be better."

"Hmph. Fine, but listen closely. I'm not going to repeat myself."

"Thank you Shinjiro-senpai!" They chorused, and bowed in unison. That must have been rehearsed. Shinjiro glared at Minako, knowing it was likely her fault. She smiled even brighter.

"… Today I'll teach you how to make a basic dinner, or something you could make ahead for lunch the next day. Chicken breast with sauce, and some roast vegetables. First, get a frying pan- not one of the nonstick kinds- and a baking sheet."

"Um, excuse me Shinjiro-senpai but why not a nonstick pan?" Junpei asked. "That'd make things so much easier to clean!"

Shinjiro looked him in the eyes. "We aren't using a nonstick pan because we want things to stick."

Junpei blinked, waiting for more of an explanation. When none was forthcoming, he said, "O-oh, okay."

Shinjiro returned to his lecture, ignoring Fuuka's scribbling. Yukari glanced at her and raised her eyebrows.

"Heat a little oil in a frying pan at medium heat- olive oil, canola, whatever, doesn't matter much for this- and preheat the oven to 400 degrees. Chop some carrots, potatoes, and onions, and toss them in a little oil with salt and pepper. You can add garlic powder, and some dried herbs. Doesn't matter much which ones. Parsley, basil, or oregano are some good basic choices."

"Shinjiro-senpai, what's your favorite herb?" Minako asked. Shinjiro stared for a minute. "… Rosemary." Minako giggled. "Okay, I'll add that when I make this." Fuuka was starting to visibly sweat again. Yukari edged away from her slightly.

"Stick the vegetables into the oven- they should be in there for, oh, thirty or forty minutes- then pat your chicken dry before adding salt and pepper to both sides. Your oil should be more than hot enough now," and in fact the pan was starting to slightly smoke, "so gently lay your chicken onto it. Let it sit until the bottom is golden brown and there are little bits of golden-brown stuff sticking to the pan. Should take five or six minutes. Flip and repeat the same, then stick your chicken in the oven for about fifteen or twenty minutes more, depending on the thickness of the breasts. Just drop it on top of the vegetables, so some juice will get onto them. Oh, and don't forget to stir your vegetables first, so they won't stick."

"Hey uh, Shinjiro-senpai, what's the point of getting that stuff stuck to the bottom of the pan? It seems like a huge mess to clean up-"  
Shinjiro's look stopped him. "What did I tell you earlier?"

"W-well yeah, you said you want stuff sticking to the pan, but-"

"Let me get to the point, Iori." Shinjiro was desperately ignoring Fuuka, whose mouth was slightly open again as she breathed short, quick breaths. "That stuff is called fond. And it's fucking delicious when you know how to use it right. Always use your fond. Never toss a pan like that into the sink, or so help me you'll wish Mitsuru would execute you instead of my punishment."

"E-execute?" Minako gasped. Yukari and Junpei took a step back. Fuuka blushed furiously.

"Now, we make the pan sauce. Finely mince a scallion, or a quarter of an onion. Stick that in the same pan you cooked the chicken in and let it sit until it starts turning light brown. Now add… well, you can't use wine for cooking yet, so a good splash of chicken stock will do. If you're feeling adventurous, in addition to the stock try balsamic vinegar, or anything else the internet calls a 'deglazing liquid'. That's what we're doing here- it's called 'deglazing' the pan. Scrape up the bits with a metal spatula and let the liquid boil off for a minute. Add a sprig of an herb if you have it. Parsley is a fine choice. Let that sit until about half of the liquid is gone." Shinjiro pulled the chicken out of the oven and put it on a plate. "Always let your meat rest for at least five minutes after cooking. If you cut into it too early, the juices leak out. Letting it sit lets the juices lock into the meat, and it'll be much more moist."

"Eh heh, nothing better than moist meat, eh Shinjiro-senp- OW!" Shinjiro didn't bother turning around to look at the red hand-shaped mark on Junpei's pitiful face. "Yuka-taaaaan!" She shrugged, remorseless. "Don't be a pervert."

There were a few minutes of silence, broken only by the occasional gasp from Fuuka. Shinjiro did his best not to acknowledge her.

"Once the liquid's reduced sufficiently, then add a squirt of lemon juice and remove the herb. Toss in two tablespoons of butter and stir as the butter melts. Once the consistency is such that it'll stick to the back of a spoon, the sauce is done. Take the pan off the heat and pour it over your chicken." As he said this, the timer he'd set went off, and he removed the pan from the oven, put vegetables onto a plate, and sliced the chicken before spreading the sauce over the slices. He garnished the plate with the sprig of parsley used earlier.

"Man, that doesn't look half bad, Shinjiro-senpei," Junpei said. Minako elbowed him. "That's rude! It's Shinjiro-senpai's cooking, his cooking never looks half bad. Not even a quarter bad." "Yeah," Yukari jumped in, "don't confuse his cooking with your own three-quarters bad cooking."

"Eh? That doesn't even make any sense," Junpei complained. Yukari giggled. On her other side, Fuuka was red-faced.

"Well?" Shinjiro said. "Try it."

They each took bites. Minako and Junpei's eyebrows rose. "Wow senpai," he said, "that really is delicious and moist! Way better than my attempts have been." Yukari and Fuuka shut their eyes, one of them 'mmm'-ing and one of them emitting a rather different sort of moan.

"Say Shinjiro-senpai, can we come back for the next lesson? I learned a lot here!" "Yeah senpai, I'd love that!" "Please, senpai?" The three troublemakers attempted puppy-dog eyes.

"Stop that or you'll offend Koromaru… but fine. Practice this dish before then."

Minako cheered, and her friends joined in. "Shinjiro-senpai is the best senpai!"

The corner of Shinjiro's mouth twitched. Maybe this wouldn't be so bad… especially if Mitsuru overheard the current cheer. He wouldn't mind seeing her expression at that.


	3. Chapter 3: Overdone Eggs and Burnt Bacon

Shinjiro yawned and stretched. His sleep habits were poor. At least he didn't have to deal with school like the rest of the losers in the dorm. There were a few perks to being a delinquent. Like sleeping in. That was nice.

There was a knock at the door. "Shinjiro-senpaaaaai," Minako's annoying voice sang, "it's time for breakfast!"

Shinjiro rolled over and closed his eyes.

"… I heard your bed squeak, I know you're awake."

Shinjiro remained still, hoping she'd go away and spend her time on something worthwhile.

"Shinjiro-senpai, I was- er, we were hoping that you could teach us a little bit about cooking breakfast. Y'see, Junpei has cereal every morning and that's an awful lot of sugar, I'm worried about his health."

That was rich, coming from her. On more than one occasion, he had seen her drink pure caramel syrup. Her metabolism was amazing, but in a few years she'd regret having bad eating habits. Shinjiro would never admit it but he worried about the nutrition of everyone in the dorm. He would admit to himself, though, that she knew how to manipulate him. Using his care of others? That was low.

"I don't care. If you're worried, you teach him." He refused to be suckered into this. He needed to be stoic, damn it. It'd be cruel to let any of them get attached to him when he'd be leaving soon.

"But Shinjiro-senpai, you're such a good cook and I can't do it nearly as well as you."

Flattery wouldn't work on him.

"… And Akihiko-senpai's going to make me put protein powder on everything."

Nope, he didn't care about that idiot teaching them his bad habits. His bed was too warm for this shit.

"… I promise I'll eat vegetables at every dinner for a week. And I'll make sure Junpei does too."

Shinjiro pursed his lips.

"… Please?"

* * *

Shinjiro grumbled as he walked down the stairs, ignoring the happiness emanating from the girl hopping next to him. After all this time, he was still weak. He still gave in so easily. It's not like he thought she was cute or anything. And there was clearly a world of distance between the two. No, it would never work. And he would never forgive himself if he did anything to contribute to her obvious feelings for him. Much better to not have any bonds to deal with. It'd be easier for everyone involved that way.

He walked into the kitchen to see brown eggs and burnt bacon on the table, and on the stove there was a stainless steel skillet filled with nasty egg residue that'd be difficult to scrub off.

"Hey Shinjiro-senpai!" Junpei greeted. "Want some breakfast? Minako-chan here told me she didn't believe I could cook anything for breakfast, so I'm proving her wrong."

Shinjiro stared at the pan for a minute. "You didn't grease the pan."

Junpei frowned. "Eh?"

"You have a mess to clean up. That could've been easily avoided. Before putting your eggs in the pan, put some oil or butter in the pan and preheat it. Spread the oil or butter so it coats the pan. Then put your eggs in."

Minako smiled. "I didn't know that Shinjiro-senpai, thank you. That'll be helpful next time we make breakfast, right Junpei-kun?"

Junpei nodded. "Yeah, thanks senpai. I'll be sure to preheat the pan next time."

Shinjiro turned to the bacon. "Your bacon shouldn't be black."

"Well no, but I was running out of time, I need to leave for school soon, so I cranked the heat up to make it cook faster."

"Bacon," Shinjiro sighed, "needs to be cooked at medium-low temperate. It can be underdone or overdone depending on if you like it soft and juicy or if you prefer it crispy, but nobody wants burnt bacon. And you can just cook bacon first, then cook your eggs in the same skillet. The grease from the bacon acts as… grease… to prevent the eggs sticking. No need for oil or butter, then. Though butter does help with the taste. Speaking of, you did at least use salt and pepper in your eggs, right?" He inspected the eggs on Junpei's plate.

"I know that much, senpai!" Junpei spluttered.

"… Good. Anyway, you know you could've also just used a nonstick skillet instead of stainless steel and then you wouldn't have to worry about greasing the pan first. For that matter," Shinjiro walked to the sink and plucked out a dirty spatula, "this is a Teflon spatula. Notice it's not metal? This is meant for use on nonstick skillets. It technically works on stainless steel, but it's not the right tool for the job. Next time you do use a nonstick skillet though, do NOT use a metal spatula on it or you'll ruin the nonstick coat. Use the right tool for the job and your equipment will last."

"Huh," Junpei said, "I never really noticed the difference between nonstick and… non-nonstick cooking tools. That's good to know, thanks."

"Clean this up before you go to school." Shinjiro walked back up the stairs. He wasn't going to be able to fall asleep again, but he sure wasn't about to hang out down there where Mitsuru could give him evil eyes for obviously intending to skip school again.

"Ne, Shinjiro-senpai!" The loud girl called behind him. "Thank you for helping us! We both learned a lot from you!"

He didn't look back. "Tch. You're welcome."

* * *

Minako walked back to the table and took a seat, piling some overdone eggs and burnt bacon onto her plate. "Well," she said, "we're making progress on pulling him out of his shell."

"Are we?" Junpei asked. "Seems same as ever to me. I mean, yeah we're getting him to speak more, but he's still trying to be so distant. Seems kind of a futile effort to me. If he wants to be left alone, why not give him that?"

Minako shook her head. "He's sad, I can feel it. I want to help him through whatever this is. Heh, who knew senpai had 'lecture mode'? I could see him being a culinary arts teacher. Nobody would misbehave with him as a teacher."

Junpei snorted. "Yeah, I wouldn't disobey the punk wearing a pink apron."

Minako smacked his arm. "You're just jealous you can't pull off that look." She took a bite of bacon and grimaced. "Ugh, Junpei, he was right. This is way too crunchy."

"Eh, it's still bacon. Still tastes bacon-y… sorta."

"Yeah, if you ignore the taste of carbon." She crunched on it loudly, and pondered her senpai.


End file.
